About Me

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I'm currently teaching English in Japan and traveling when I can. I don't want to forget anything. So, I try to blog. This is my life.

Monday, January 26, 2009

It's just not easy

Out of all the people that I will be leaving, I said one of my hardest goodbyes today. It was hard for so many reasons. Today is probably the first day that it has truly hit me that I will be leaving people for a year. I've known it all along, but to actually realize it is a different thing. I'm the type that pushes thoughts and emotions out of my head and doesn't really deal with them like I probably should. Today, I had to begin to deal with them though. Today, my heart is hurting.

Along with the realization of really leaving comes tons of doubt. Doubting my abilities, doubting my decisions. For the first time, I felt a major wave of "I don't want to go to Japan" today. Deep down, I know that God has strategically set the things in my life leading me exactly to where He wants me. Ultimately, I know that the place for me right now is Japan. I know that this experience and this time growing closer to God is going to take me to bigger places than I could ever have imagined. Nobody ever said it would be easy though, right?

Thursday, January 22, 2009


So, a big thank you goes out to my sister, brother, brother-in-law and nephew for the massage I got today. It was really good. It was an amazing Christmas present! It also was much needed. I forgot how relaxing a good massage can really be. It's funny how it takes me a while to really let go and truly relax. The thoughts that went through my mind the first half hour or so would have made anyone laugh probably. I must say, major props go out to all of the people in the world that give massages for a living. I could not do it. I don't mind being touched, but touching someone else would kind of creep me out. What if you get a man who doesn't like to shower, or a girl who refuses to shave in the winter? You never know what you will be dealing with until your client walks through the door. I just could not do it. But, I sure am thankful that there are people in this world that can!

11 days and 14 hours until I leave for Japan. Well, actually until I leave for Seattle. I will be in Seattle for a few days going through training and then will head to Japan from there. I found out that I will be living in the same apartment building as my best friend, Sarah. This makes me feel so much more comfortable with the whole thing. She is such a blessing in my life; truly that once in a lifetime friend for me. It will be so good to have her there, especially because just one year before she was in my exact same shoes. She knows what it's like transitioning into the new life in Japan.

I feel like I have been so caught up in the excitement/nervousness of picking up and moving to the other side of the world that I forget one important thing. I am moving to the other side of the world to have a class full of my very own kids! I will have a bunch of little lives that I will be responsible for. I will finally be a real life teacher, and will have such an amazing opportunity to really make a difference in the lives of my kids. I am so looking forward to meeting all of them and getting started in my own classroom.

I am dreading saying goodbye. I'm still not sure how I'm going to manage to leave my nephew. I really can't think about it yet. He's pretty much the center of my world right now, the most important little man in my life. Thinking about how much he has changed and grown just in the 14 and a half months that he has been on this Earth makes me dread the 14 months that I will be away from him. He's going to be a completely different person when I get back, talking like crazy and so much bigger. Anyway, like I said, I can't think about it.

One thing that I was thinking about last night that I am thankful for, is that God is the same here in the States as he will be in Japan. Everything else around me might be different, but to know that He is still the same is a comforting thought. I think I am ready for the change.

Friday, January 16, 2009

17 Days and counting

I have been planning to start this blog for quite a while now. A few times, I even sat down and attempted to think of what to write for my first entry. However, I just couldn't think of anything great or super insightful to say. I felt like the first blog should be something interesting, something worth reading. Well, I still haven't come up with anything, so it's time to just give in I think. I am kind of excited to start blogging. I used to do it a few years ago. Xanga was the cool thing at Evangel when I first started there. Everyone was doing it. I have to say, it is fun to look back at all of those entries and see what was in my head during that time of my life. Before Xanga, I used to journal. Not as much as I would have liked, but I do have a few notebooks full of entries.

I am moving to Japan in 17 days. That still doesn't seem possible, but it will soon be my new reality. I had to say my first goodbye the other day and it hit me that I will be saying a lot of those over the next few weeks. Goodbyes are not my favorite. But, I think this whole Japan thing came at just the right time for me.

It's amazing the twists and turns and changes that come along with life. I am a planner. I enjoy looking at a calendar full of everything that I have going on and plan on doing. I like to know when things are going to happen, and how long I may have to wait for those things to happen. However, I am learning that MY plan is not always THE plan. I think one of my biggest lessons the past few months is the "lean not on your own understanding" part of trust. I don't understand why some things have happened the way they have, I don't understand why God opened this door to Japan, I don't understand exactly what my future holds. But, I do finally understand that I don't need to understand. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone outside of my head, that was a lot of understands in one paragraph!

Anyway, I don't know how many people will actually read this blog. My guess is not many. I have a pretty bad memory, so I want to write my experiences so that I can look back and remember things I may have forgotten. I also want to have a way to share my experiences with my family and friends. So, this may not be the most interesting blog, but it's mine. :)