I have thought about writing a blog several times over the last couple days but just haven't gotten around to it. I should have lots to write about. Tokyo, people in my classroom watching me teach. But, I think I will have to save that for another blog.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how much I have changed in the past few months. I feel like I have grown so much, and I feel like I am starting to understand myself a little more than I ever have. I have realized things about myself and my life that have made me the way that I am. I realized some of the reasons why I don't very easily or very often really let people in. I realize that my relationship with God has been so surface level for most of my life, and I know some of the reasons why that is now. God has been working in my life and in my heart so much lately. I don't understand what he is doing, or what he has for me, but I am truly learning what it means to trust him above all else. It's certainly not always easy, and sometimes I just want things the way that I want them still, but I know that there is a purpose far beyond me.
I will be 25 in one hour. Well, in Japan at least. Maybe it's just the getting older-ness that has gotten to my brain.. but, I truly feel just a little bit wiser than I think I was a couple of years ago. I feel like I have a better grasp on myself, the things that I want and don't want, and the reasons why I am the way that I am. I know that there is still so much to learn, and so many things to work on in myself, but at least I am not blind to it anymore.
I have no idea what my future holds. And I mean..NO idea. I'm not one of those people that has a clear life long calling, or a passion to do one thing for the rest of their life. I'm a teacher right now, but I don't even know if I would want to do that for the rest of my life. I thought I had a plan, but God showed me that sometimes (okay, most of the time) our plans are not HIS plans. And, well, HIS plans are really the only ones that matter. I am just trying to trust that He knows what is best for me, and that He will let me in on it when the time is right. It's certainly not easy, because I really am a planner. It's a constant battle to not worry or be anxious about what is supposed to happen next. Like I said, he is teaching me to trust without understanding. And that is such a hard thing for me to do.