I have thought about writing a blog several times over the last couple days but just haven't gotten around to it. I should have lots to write about. Tokyo, people in my classroom watching me teach. But, I think I will have to save that for another blog.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how much I have changed in the past few months. I feel like I have grown so much, and I feel like I am starting to understand myself a little more than I ever have. I have realized things about myself and my life that have made me the way that I am. I realized some of the reasons why I don't very easily or very often really let people in. I realize that my relationship with God has been so surface level for most of my life, and I know some of the reasons why that is now. God has been working in my life and in my heart so much lately. I don't understand what he is doing, or what he has for me, but I am truly learning what it means to trust him above all else. It's certainly not always easy, and sometimes I just want things the way that I want them still, but I know that there is a purpose far beyond me.
I will be 25 in one hour. Well, in Japan at least. Maybe it's just the getting older-ness that has gotten to my brain.. but, I truly feel just a little bit wiser than I think I was a couple of years ago. I feel like I have a better grasp on myself, the things that I want and don't want, and the reasons why I am the way that I am. I know that there is still so much to learn, and so many things to work on in myself, but at least I am not blind to it anymore.
I have no idea what my future holds. And I mean..NO idea. I'm not one of those people that has a clear life long calling, or a passion to do one thing for the rest of their life. I'm a teacher right now, but I don't even know if I would want to do that for the rest of my life. I thought I had a plan, but God showed me that sometimes (okay, most of the time) our plans are not HIS plans. And, well, HIS plans are really the only ones that matter. I am just trying to trust that He knows what is best for me, and that He will let me in on it when the time is right. It's certainly not easy, because I really am a planner. It's a constant battle to not worry or be anxious about what is supposed to happen next. Like I said, he is teaching me to trust without understanding. And that is such a hard thing for me to do.
About Me
- Kim
- I'm currently teaching English in Japan and traveling when I can. I don't want to forget anything. So, I try to blog. This is my life.
So, Happy Birthday baby girl. Twenty five years ago we welcomed you into our happy home and you made it even happier. I am struggling with you not being here on your birthday or Mothers Day. 7,000 miles is a long way for my heart to travel. But it will have to do for now.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your personal journey, I hope you can relax and just enjoy where you are now on the journey and appreciate it for what it is. Knowing the future seems so important but today is the future you worried about years ago. And would you have ever thought you would have taken the journey you are on now? And the scripture says "Lean not on your own understanding...". Well, to lean on something means to trust that what your are leaning on will support you, that it will hold you up. It is giving your power to something else. God knows that as we try to figure things out, we will use our own mind and power to do that. So He tells us not to do that, but rather to acknowledge that He is there and that He is worthy of our waiting to learn from Him, not from the things we believe we can lean on. So take solace that He wants us to allow Him to direct our path. His ways are higher than our ways, which means He has a better view of what is ahead. So as you grow in Him, always seek to find His direction without having to have the map sprauled out in front of you. It is a journey worth the wait. So hang in there hon, you are doing just fine!!!
Dad and I send our love across the big pond to the island you now call home. Please know we love you very much and miss you even more.
Enjoy your birthday hon.
Happy birthday, Kim! You've taken a big step of faith by moving across the world. Who knows what the next step will be? Enjoy the journey.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, Kim!!! I am proud of you, and know that it's probably really hard to be so far away on your birthday. But I KNOW that God has big plans for you, WHATEVER those may be!
ReplyDeleteLove you!